The Effects of Soda
by Hitokiri-Sesshomaru
Summary: What would happen to the Inu gang in the modern world? Sesshomaru does the weather! Inuyasha has soda! Naraku gets chased by the Inupapa with a gun! NOW UPDATED!
1. Detectives

_This was written while I was in the process of drinking three cans of Mountain Dew. Yeah......First of all, lets get this straight. I do not own Lord of The Rings, Barney, Rainbow Monkeys, Inuyasha, Tarzan, or Rurouni Kenshin. You're all just sitting there with a look on your faces similer to this. O.O Read on to find out how in the heck I got these all in one fic. By the way, _**(The words in these things are actions)**

(In Kagome's room)

Kagome: Inu, are you thirsty?

Inu: Yes!!! I haven't had anything to drink all day! (Grabs soda out of hand and drinks in 5 seconds)

Kagome: That's not what I was going to give him. Wait that was mello yellow, the new extra caffeinated kind. O.O (drinks a can herself)

Inu: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kagome: Uh oh.....(sugar takes effect) (starts twitching) WEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Inu: Kagome..........I'm bored! Play pretend with me!!!!!!!!!!!

Kagome: YaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaY!!!! Ilovepretendwhaddawegonnado?

Inu: Let's play detective!!!!!!!!!! I'll be inspector ignorant!

Kagome: and I'll be Private public!

Naraku: (pops up) (drinks three cans of soda) And I'll be Betty!!!!!!!!!!

Inu&Kagome: YaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaY!!!!!!!!!!!

Kirara: (drinks 5 cans of soda) I'll be the announcer!!!!

Naraku&Kagome&Inu: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Kirara: (twitch) One cold night Inspector ignorant was sitting in his office drinking his midnight coffee, when his assistant Betty walked in with important news.

Inu:(goes into Kagome's closet and puts on girly leather jacket) (drinks soda)

Naraku: (walks in wearing pink dress) Inspector ignorant, I have important news!

Inu: (spits soda on 'Betty') what is it?!

Naraku: (starts singing) Stacie's mom has got it goin' on!

Inu: OMG!

Naraku: and we got a call from an evil dude that said he was going to take over the world. He told us that he has private public in custody and that if he threatens to kill her if we don't give him money.

Inu: Show me the evidence Betty!

Naraku: (turns on Kagome's TV) (poisonous insect pops up on screen)

?????? : MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I HAVE PRIVATE PUBLIC IN MY KITCHEN AND IM GOING TO MAKE HER DRINK 167 CANS OF SODA AND THEN NOT LET HER GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! By the way, my name is Legolas!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (Souta pops up)

Souta: Mom! There are giant Elvin insects in the kitchen!

Naraku: (turns off TV)

Inu: Betty! The tick is clocking! Who knows have long we have before Private public pisses in her pants!

Naraku: I'm sending one of the best agents with you! (Sesshomaru pops up)

Fluffy: (I'm just going to call him fluffy, you don't like it? TOO BAD, LOSERS! THIS IS MY FIC!) O.O (sees Naraku in pink dress)

Inu: (shoves 13 sodas his throat)

Fluffy: Agent Kenshin, reporting for duty! (Twitch) (Death) (Kill) (Twitch) a/n: I do not hate Kenshin lovers, he's awesome, but it is funny

Inu: I need you to accompany me on a dangerous mission; you might not come back alive, are you up for it?

Fluffy: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Inu: We need proper equipment! (Pulls out plunger and toilet paper)

Fluffy: (pulls out dishwashing liquid)

Inu: Here's the plan, we go into the kitchen, with the James Bond theme playing....

Fluffy: And then I kill him! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Naraku: Agent Kenshin, no need for such violence!

Fluffy: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!

Inu: And now we need disguises!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fluffy: (puts on Kagome's school uniform) (puts hair in ponytail)

Inu: Now no one will know who you are! (Puts on Kagome's other uniform)

Inu Taishio: This is degrading.

Fluffy: "Come on guys, let's go!"

Kagome: Now I have a disguise!!!!! (Puts on Fluffy's kimono and leaves)

Inu: (picks up toilet plunger) Lets rock.

Inu&Fluffy: (start going down the hallway, secret agent style& &James Bond theme plays)

Kirara: And so our hero's embarked on a dangerous quest; (twitch) and left Betty in inspector ignorant's office

Naraku: (inside Kagome's closet) Noooooooo!!!!! The mole people!!!! They're coming to get us!!!!!!!!!!! –Silence-

Fluffy: (points to vacuum) be careful, it's another one of Legolas' minions!

Vacuum: Vroooooooooooooooooooooooooooom!!!! (Leaps forward to attack)

Fluffy: No! Inspector ignorant! (Starts squirting vacuum with dishwashing liquid)

Vacuum: (hiss) the lemony-ness!!! (Melts)

Inu: That was a close call thank you-

Fluffy: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (Is hitting vacuum with sword)

Inu: Agent Kenshin! Such violence!

Fluffy: DEATH DEATH! KILL KILL!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Inu: (slap)

Fluffy: Thanks ignorant, I lost control.

Inu: onward! We must continue!

Kirara: They continued toward their goal growing ever closer and making their way down the hall (twitch) until they where met by-

Naraku: (throws mole person back in closet and shuts door) It's our turn to narrate!!!

Kirara: No!!! (Throws dictionary)

Naraku: XP

Kirara: TT Anyways, they were met by a new enemy!

????????: I love you, you love me!

Fluffy: It's a rainbow monkey singing the Barney theme song!!!

Inu: NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RM (rainbow monkey): give me a hug!

Fluffy: Never!

Inu: You'll have to kill us first!

Fluffy: Kill? Did someone say kill? (Draws sword) (Stares at rainbow monkey) Time to play!!!!

RM: O.O

(Kagome's mom comes into hallway to see Inuyasha and Sesshomaru wearing Kagome's school uniform while Sesshomaru is attacking giant stuffed animal) (Closes door and goes back into room)

Fluffy: (rips rainbow monkey to shreds)

RM: (tear in eye) you never gave me the rainbow monkey goodbye hug......

Fluffy: (stabs) Death...Kill... (Twitch)

RM: (dies)

Inu: Agent Kenshin, there are children here, cut back the violence!

Fluffy: (throws stuffing over head) it's snowing!!!!!!!! (Starts singing) I hope that you die this Christmas; I hope that you die this Christmas; I hope that you die this Christmas, and never see another one!!!

Inu: O.O

Fluffy: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Inu: There's the kitchen, we're almost there!

Kirara: They were so close to their destination, they could almost feel the plushy softness of victory.

Inu&Fluffy: (burst into kitchen) this is a stickup!

Kagome: You came for me inspector ignorant!

Fluffy: (runs up to poisonous bug)

Bug: No! I'll do anything! Don't kill me!

Fluffy: Give me back my father! (Stabs)

Naraku: (walks into kitchen) Mission accomplished! Wonderful job inspector ignorant!

Kagome: (runs to bathroom)

Inu: Thank you Betty.

Fluffy: (slashing dead bug) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

Inu: I couldn't have done it without you, Agent Kenshin.

Fluffy: (mutters something about killing) you're welcome!

Kagome: (walks into kitchen) O.O Sesshomaru! What are you doing in my kitchen?! More importantly, with my uniform on!

Me: The effects of sugar all wore off at once! (Hehe)

Fluffy: Wha- (faces turns bright red)

Kagome: Naraku! What are you doing here?! With my prom dress on?!

Naraku: (faces turns red)

Inu: (runs to Kagome's room and changes) (comes back) I found your clothes, Naraku. Sesshomaru, you'll have to ask Kagome for yours back.

Kagome: (blushes)

-30 minutes later-

(Everyone has correct outfits on)

Kagome: Kirara, Sesshomaru, and Naraku, all of you, back to the Feudal Era! Go!

Inu: Uhhhhh........Kagome, it looks like a tornado hit you hallway. (Sees stuffing and beat up vacuum cleaner)

Kagome: I'm thirsty you want something? (Drinks two sodas)

Inu: (drinks two sodas) WEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Inu: Kagome..........I'm bored! Play pretend with me!!!!!!!!!!!

Kagome: YaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaY!!!! Ilovepretendwhaddawegonnado?

Inu: I'm Tarzan! And you are my lovely wife Jane!

_So, should I go off and get sugar high again and write about what happens next? Review and tell me!_


	2. Pirates: Part One

Ok, I hope you guys appreciate this, cuz I drank a part of one of my mom's gross diet cokes to finish this one. I don't own any of the characters in here; I don't what y'all are smokin'. Also, special thanks to my idiot brother and sesshomaru my koibito for help with this chapter! (That's my friend's username, I didn't ask Sesshomaru for help, although it's not a bad idea...Fluffy! Come here! I need help with part two!)

Inu: I'm Tarzan! And you are my lovely wife Jane!

Kagome: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Inu: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Kagome: IHAVEABETTERIDEA! LET'SPLAYPIRATES!! TOTHESHIP!! AWAY!! (Runs to car with inu)

Inu: (jumps in car) I AM CAPTAIN JACK PEACH BREASTED COCKATOO!!

Kagome: (puts key in ignition) AND I AM LIZARDATDETH THROWHER!

-10 minutes later-

(Inu and Kagome pull up in front of drive in Starbucks)

Kagome: Two Grande Caramel Frappichinos with three shots of espresso please!

Inu&Kagome: (speed off before paying) (happily sipping coffee)

Kagome: Where to?

Inu: (looks in glove box) Treasure Planet, the loot of a thousand worlds.

Kagome: How do you propose we get there?

Inu: This! (Pulls out map of Tokyo)

Kagome: Where did you get that?

Inu: IDON'TKNOW!!

Kagome: GOODENOUGHFORME!! (Starts going 101 mph down the highway towards the mall) (hears sirens)

Inu: No! THE OTHER PIRATES ARE AFTER THE MAP!

Kagome: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE COPPERS!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Inu: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

-30 minutes later-

(Still being chased) (Pull up in front of Mall)

Inu: IT'S TREASURE PLANET!! (Pulls out gun that came from nowhere)

Kagome: (pulls out gun that came from nowhere)

(Both run inside)

Inu: LET'S HIDE IN THERE! (points to Victoria's Secret)

Kagome: YES! TO THE NOTORIOUSLY PINK CAVE!

Pirate 1: (instead of cop) there they go! (Starts running into store)

Inu: They're gaining fast! We'll have to use the current resources! (Picks up DD size bras and starts throwing at cops)

Kagome: (starts throwing thongs with the little pink hearts on them)

Pirate 1: No!! The girly-ness!!

Inu: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Kagome: Let's leave while they're distracted!

Inu: Good idea!

Kagome: (running through the mall) how are we going to find the treasure?

Inu: I'm Captain Jack Peach Breasted Cockatoo! Do not doubt me!

(Black Hummer in the middle of the walkway) an/these are so irritating

Inu: (grabs Kagome's arm and hides behind display) It's the Black Shiny thingy! They say it's cursed! We must get inside!

Kagome: But how? And why?

Inu: I don't know, I just feel like it! (Pulls keys out of pocket that, for some strange reason, open the hummer)

Kagome: Look! I found the strange sphere thingy on the floor!

Inu: looks worthless (throws at Kagome's head)

Kagome: And MORE SODA!!

Inu: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!! (Gets sugar-high)

Kagome: (does same)

Inu: (starts up car) TO THE FOOD COURT!! (Drives hummer through the mall)

a/n: wow, this is weird. Kagome and Inu with WAAAY too much sugar, driving a 'cursed' hummer through Concord Mills mall. O.O

Kagome: Look! There's a button that says DO NOT PRESS! What should we do?

Inu: (fooling with radio tuner) (starts blasting punk music) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Kagome: Screw you then! (Presses button)

Disembodied voice: 10 seconds to self destruct...9...8...7...

Inu: Oh #!

Kagome: we have to leave!

Inu: no, we're going to stay here and blow up, you just don't know it

Kagome: It's a Super Nova!

Disembodied voice: 6...5...4...3...

Inu: 2...1...

Kagome: BOOOM!!

Inu: how come we aren't blown up?

Kagome: It was counting down to when we sing the theme song!! WEEEEEEEeeeeeEEEEEEE!! Isn't that right disembodied voice?

Disembodied voice: Of course, Kagome!

Kagome: We are the pirates who don't do anything; we just stay at home, and lie around!!

Inu: (falls over anime style)

Disembodied voice: c'mon Inuyasha! Sing!

Inu: I'm not that out of it.

Kagome: Not yet anyways!

Inu: eh?

Kouga: (pops up) But I am!

Kagome&Kouga: WE ARE THE PIRATES, WHO DON'T DO ANYTHING! WE JUST STAY AT HOME AMD LIE AROUND! AND IF YOU ASK US, TO DO ANYTHING, WE'LL JUST TELL YOU, WE DON'T DO ANYTHING!

Disembodied voice: I'm leaving; this is getting a little creepy. Hope you have a nice life, Inuyasha!

Inu: that's not cool! You can't leave me like this!

Disembodied voice: of course I can, I can do whatever I want, and I'm a disembodied voice!

Inu: GAAA!! (Throws Tetsusaiga against wall) (Wall collapses) Hey Kagome, look at this!

Sesshomaru: (pops up) YAAAaaaaaaaaaAAAAAY!! I've been looking for this wall all day!

Kouga: you have?

Sesshomaru: Jaken! You've had your fun, c'mon!

Disembodied voice: no!!

Inu: wait, Jaken is the disembodied voice?

Disembodied voice: yea--I mean no! I am...uhh...Kikyo!

Inu: Kikyo, you have Jaken's voice! This means I can kill you now! Or throw you in water!

Disembodied voice: I know I have Jaken's voice. I...uhhh...ate him...

Kouga: AND YOU DIDN'T SAVE THE LEGS FOR ME?!

Disembodied voice: Actually, I did.

(Slides Chinese take-out box across floor)

Kouga: YAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaAAAAYYY! I FEEL SO LOVED! FROG LEGS!

Inu: that's gross

Kagome: Kouga, let me have some!

Sesshomaru: Jaken, come on, now!!

Jaken: (standing beside Sesshomaru) Lord Sesshomaru, who are you talking to? I'm right here?

Sesshomaru: O.O

Kouga: Then what's in this box?! (Opens) FROG LEGS!! YAAAAAAAAY!!

Inu: (pulls down curtain covering wall) AH HA! IT'S KIKYO!! LER'S KILL HER!!

Kikyo: That's not cool, I had an awesome Jaken impression.

Kagome: How come Kouga is still eating frog legs?

Jaken: I'm a toad, you idiot.

Kouga: (munch) (munch) this stuff is great, did you make it yourself Kikyo?

Kikyo: yes actually, finally someone appreciates my cook-

Inu: stut up already, Kikyo! Everyone hates you! (Pours water over head) Including me!

Kikyo: NOOOO!! THE WATER!! (Hiss)

Sesshomaru: she's dead!! Let's sing a song in memory of her!!

All: OH, HOW WE HATE KIKYO! OH, HOW WE HATE KIKYO! OH, HOW WE HATE KIKYO!

Inu: because she sealed me to a tree!!

Kouga: the cops are coming!! (Grabs rest of frog legs and jumps in car with fluffy)

Fluffy&Kouga: SEE YOU LATER, SUCKER!!

Jaken: but Lord Sesshomaru, what about me?!

Sesshomaru: Screw you!!

(Speed off)

Cops: We're taking you two downtown.

Inu: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, COPPERS!! (Grabs Kagome and digs a hole through the floor of the food court)

Kagome: Where are we?

Inu: it's the center of the planet!! (a/n: he's SO clueless) Where the treasure is!!

Kagome: (eyes sparkle)

a/n: In case any of you are wondering, they are surrounded by giant mountains of candy!

Inu&Kagome: (start stuffing their faces) WEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEE!!

Well, that's all for part one. Sorry it took so long to update. I'll try to be quicker with part two. If a lot of you were disappointed with me switching to pirates please tell me, because I can probably incorporate Tarzan later. Bye the way, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!!


	3. Pirates: Part Two

Hello!!! It's me! AGAIN!!! Sorry it took so long to update. They took it off, I think cuz of all the 'and' signs I put in the first chapter. Oops. But I fixed it, and it should stay up now. Unless they have some thing against parentheses. Now I have my trusty soda! Enjoy the amazing randomness! My brothers are watching Invader Zim right now, so don't be surprised if I quote it. I don't own Inuyasha!!!

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Inu: Kagome!!!!! They have butterscotch!!!!

Kagome: OMG!!! SO MUCH CAAAAAAAAAAANDY!!!!!!!!

Inu: DIVE DIVE DIVE!!!!! (dives into mountain of butterscotch)

Kagome: Christmas candy! Chocolate! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! BOW TO ME, CAPTAIN PEACH-BREASTED-COCKATOO!!!

-Three hours later-

(both Inu and Kagome are sleeping, due to the massive sugar intake)

Inu: Sea monkey has my money......(snore)........

Kagome: Kiss me.....Koga......I love you.....

Inu: Frodo...blah...blah....ring....(snore)...baggins....blah...fellowship....blah....(snore)

Kagome: Shnarf......Shnarf....

Inu: Rin....is sooooo......(snore) hott........

Kagome: Transformers....

Inu: (snore) Robots.....(snore)

Kagome: In.....

Inu&Kagome: Disguise

Inu: (snore)

a/n: it's official, Inuyasha snores! It's the apocalypse!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Ok, enough of that.

(dude walks in from behind pile of peppermint)

CSB: I am captain sticky beard!!!! And now that both of these two are subdued by the candy and sweet goodness I shall take them as my captives and force them to do stuff!!!

a/n: this is played by our very Hiten! WooT! Yeah, technically he's dead but so what? I am the AUTHOR! And I have AMAZING AUTHOR POWERS!!!! (starts singing) I got the power....

Choco: And I am his assistant!!! Choco the chocolate bunny!

Hiten: THUNDER.....THUDER.....THUNDERCATS.....HOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

(kirara appears out of nowhere and raises up both paws)

Kirara: MEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR..............(just kinda fades off into distance)

(lightening flashes in background)

Inu: (rolls over onto side) noooooo......must contact.....(snore)...Mothermeat....(snore)

Kagome: (wakes up) What? Captain, wake up!

Inu: TAKE THAT SESSHOMARU!!! (throws candy at Kagome)

Kagome: TT

Hiten: you two have fallen into my trap! Now, face the wrath of my FILTHY PIGGY TOILET OF FILTHY PIGGIENESS!!!!!

Inu: (eyes sparkle) really?

Choco: OF COURSE NOT! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Kagome: You're so mean!!!!!

Inu: WAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Kagome: Captain, why did your eyes sparkle?

Inu: NOREASON! 'She must not find out that I secretly drink out of the toilet......'

Kagome: GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!

Hiten: FACE THE WRATH OF MY GUMMIE ALLIGATORS!!!

(nothing happens)

Hiten: I said, FACE THE WRATH OF MY GUMMIE ALLIGATORS!

Choco: sir, I've just received a notice that the gummie alligators are on strike.

Hiten: for what?

Choco: They want better armor.....better camps....

Hiten: they don't have any of that to begin with

CHoco: it's beyond me then

Inu: Ok....I'll just climb back out this hole then....

Kagome: Inuyasha!!!! There's a dead guy standing in front of me!!!!!

Inu: Have some more rum, miss Elizabeth!

Kagome: How do gummies go one strike?

Choco: don't ask me.

Hiten: enough small talk!! Come with me to my castle of evil badness!!!!

Kagome: (somehow appears in a cage of candy canes with Inu)

Inu: NO! ANYTHING BUT THE CASTLE OF EVIL BADDNESS!!!!

Hiten: AND I SHALL MAKE YOU DO STUFF!!!

Choco: (laughs manically)

-Later, at the castle of Evil Badness-

Inu: (playing video games) NONONO!!! ONLY TWO MORE LEVELS MISS ELIZABETH!

Kagome: THEN I GET TO PLAY HALO 2!!!

a/n: which my the way I DO NOT own.

Hiten: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! THEY'RE NEVERGOING TO SURVIVE!!

Kagome: NO!!! MY GHOST IS ON FIRE!!!

Inu: HAHAHA!!! MY BANSHI WILL BLOW YOU TO PIECES!!!

Choco: sir, I think they're having fun

Hiten: never! Just look at the pure despair on their faces!

Choco: that looks like happiness, sir. Why don't you check the Guide to Being Evil again.

Hiten: (takes handbook out of pocket and starts flipping through pages) YOU'RE RIGHT! THAT IS NOT PAIN OR DISPAIR!

Inu: I have you cornered!

Kagome: No!!!!

Inu: haha! I win!

Kagome: best 5 out of 10?

Inu: sure!

Hiten: are you two having...fun?

Inu&Kagome: no! this is terrible!

Hiten: see choco? No cause for worry! I am correctly carrying out my duties as a bad guy!

Choco: (sigh)

Inu&Kagome: NO! DON'T KEEP US HERE ANY LONGER!!! HOW WILL WE EVER ESCAPE!!!

Hiten: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Meanwhile, in the black hummer on I-85

Fluffy: WILL YOU STOP SMACKING ALREADY!

Kouga: You really need to try some of Kikyo's cooking!

Fluffy: how many times do I have to tell you, I don't eat!

(rabid squirrel attacks winshield)

Koga: AHHHH!!!!

Squirrel: luke, I am your father....

Fluffy: (loses control and starts spinning out)

Squirrel: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Fluffy: GET IT OFF!!!

To be continued....AGAIN!

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Will Inuyasha and Kagome be able to escape the castle of evil badness? Does Sesshomaru have a secret fear of squirrels? What happens when Koga runs out of frog legs?! Stay tuned for Pirates: Part three!!! (Which won't take as long to update. Sorry. And itshould be longer.)


	4. Pirates: Part Three

WooT! It's part three!!!!

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Fluffy: Get it off!!!!! We've spun about 20 times now and this stupid thing won't get OFF!

Koga: Why are you telling me this?

Fluffy: Communicate with it or something!

Koga: I'm a wolf youkai, not squirrel, thank you very much!

Fluffy: Close enough!

Koga: I'm only your distant cousin, why don't YOU try talking to it?

Fluffy: I am NOT related to you, by any stretch of the imagination.

Koga: Species-wise, not literally, baka.

Fluffy: THAT'S IT! (tosses Koga out window)

Squirrel: if you'll excuse me, the next victim awaits, Sesshomaru

Fluffy: WHAT?!

Koga: (sitting on car roof) You've gone and done it now.

Squirrel: ?.?

Koga: You didn't show the proper respect.

Fluffy: IT'S LORD SESSHOMARU-SAMA TO YOU!!!!!!!!!

Squirrel: (Meep)

Fluffy: (thinking to himself) _Kill two birds with one stone._

Koga: HE'S SMILING!!!! GET ME OFFA THIS THING!!!

Squirrel: HE'S GONNA DRIVE THE CAR INTO THE LAKE!!!!!!

Koga: Don't do it!!!!

Fluffy: (grinning maliciously) I'LL DO IT!!! DON'T TRY AND STOP ME!!!!!!

a/n: I think he's finally gone off the deep end. We all knew it was bound to happen.

Koga: Oh crap.

(big splash)

Koga: You smell like wet dog.

Fluffy: (eyes glow red)

Koga: (hehe) can't you take a joke?

Squirrel: nice.

Fluffy: (throws rock at squirrel)

Squirrel: XP

Fluffy: (starts chasing Koga)

Koga: AHHHHH!!!!!!!

a/n: we'll get back to them later, this will be going on for awhile.

-Meanwhile, at the Castle of Evil Badness-

Kagome: NO! DON'T KEEP US HERE ANY LONGER WE MIGHT DIE OF THE PURE TORTURE!

Inu: THE PAIN! THE HURT! THE---uhhh---CREAMPUFFS!

Hiten: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU WILL STAY HERE FOREVER AND DO stuff....FOREVER!!!

Choco: ok, this is just sad now. Captain Sticky Beard, they are having fun. This is not torture. You are feeding them, giving them a place to sleep, not making them do anything, and letting them play video games all day.

(evil chibi Naraku pops up)

Kagome: IT'S SOOOO CUTE!!!!! DON'T YOU JUST WANNA HUG IT?!

a/n: o....k.....i think she's even worse off than Sesshomaru at this point.

Inu: no. Not even I'm that out of it.

Choco: IT'S SOOO CUTE!!!! LET'S AUCTION IT OFF ON THE INTERNET!!!!

Kagome: YaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hiten: The computer's over here!!!

-Meanwhile, in Poland-

Fluffy: I WILL GET YOU KOGA!!!!! I DO NOT SMELL LIKE WET DOG!!!!

Random Person: Yes you do.

Fluffy: Would you like to say that again?!

RP: Oh crap.

Fluffy: (starts chasing Random Person and Koga) I DO NOT SMELLS LIKE WET DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Koga: (while running) you're kinda cute! Wanna go out?

-Back at the castle of Evil Badness-

Inu: If you're a pirate then why do you have a castle?

Hiten: SHUT UP! I'M GOING TO USE THE MONEY FROM SELLING NARAKU OFF THE INTERNET TO BUY A SHIP!

Inu: why don't you have one in the first place? YOU ARE NO PIRATE!!!! IMPOSTER!!! (draws sword)

-Meanwhile, at Sesshomaru's house-

Fluffy: SHUT UP!

(Koga and random person have been locked in a closet)

Fluffy: perfect! A chibi Naraku!

-Yet again, at the castle of evil badness-

Kagome: SCORE!!!! We have a buyer!

Inu: who?

Kagome: his penname is feardafluff

Naraku: I refuse to let you sell me on the internet!

Hiten: No one really cares.

Choco: that about sums it up. (throws in box and slaps sticker on it) you're headed to...

Kagome: CUBA!

a/n: o...k...apparently Sesshomaru lives in Cuba...yeah...I'll get back to you on that

Inu: look up his ID! I wanna know who was crazy enough to name themselves feardafluff

Kagome: it has an IM address

Choco: click it!

Naraku: now it's only me, and you...(pulls out nickel) phillip!

-In (bum bum bum) CUBA!-

Fluffy: Who is this? (clicks out of random curiosity)

**Inu: HA! Who are you?!**

**feardafluff: uhhhhh....**

**Inu:: I know where you live!**

**feardafluff: no you don't, you just asked me who I was.**

**Inu: Tell me, are you the buyer of chibi Naraku?**

**feardafluff: what's it to you?**

**Inu: What do you need it for?**

Fluffy: (glances in closet)

**feardafluff: I wanna try and mate Koga and Naraku.**

Kagome: (screams) AHHHHHHH!!!! THIS GUY IS SO GROSS!!!!!!! BLAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Inu: yeah, you're telling me.

Kagome: lemme type something!

Inu: (sigh)

**Inu (who would currently be Kagome talking): You are a Hentai!!!!! HENTAI!!!!!**

**feardafluff: HEY! I WAS JUST KIDDING!**

**Inu: wait a sec, how do you know who _both_ of them are?**

**feardafluff: well, uhhh....::hehe::**

**Inu: OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Kagome: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Inu: what is it?!

Kagome: It's Sesshomaru!!!!!!!!

Inu: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Hiten: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Choco: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Naraku: (inside box) (stroking nickel) Yesssss.....the preciousssss.....

a/n: ok, now that we're all screaming, hmmm....

(both computers blow up)

a/n: they couldn't take the stress

Inu&Kagome: (run all the way back to kagome's house and hide under her bed)

Kagome: uhhh...Inuyasha...why are we both under your bed?

Inu: ?.?

Kagome: and why is there a talking box sitting over there, muttering something about 'the precious'

(box hisses)

Inu: I think it might have been something I ate.

DA END

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, towards the end that wasn't very piratey. But, then again, it was only for personal entertainment. Now, I'm going to have another totally new thingy done AND posted later today. I'll give you one clue. The leader of the masculine undergarments.


	5. Captain Underpants

Ok, I have just got a nice restock on my favorite soda!!! WooT! This one is a little different that the others, but should be just as funny. I'll try to get soda in here. Somewhere. So here you are, as promised, the next chapter of my basically never-ending fic!

Kamigod

Naraku (his name literally translates to this, and I didn't want to type this in all caps, for fear of my dad) hell

Naniwhat

_---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Sesshomaru is the owner of a major corporation, dignified and erect, and has a very good history as being strict individual. But, all that is about to change._

Sango: I have the papers you asked for, sir.

Fluffy: Yes....(starts looking through papers)...wait...

Sango: (Oh crap, here he goes again)

Fluffy: These papers are printed in Black2740949382727394038262 ink! I said I wanted Black2740949382727394038262**.0**!!!

Sango: I'm sorry sir! I'll change it right away!!! (runs out of office)

Miroku: Let me guess, by the time today is over, we'll have to replace the printer ink. Again.

Sango: (panting) Yes! Why does it matter!!!

Miroku: beats me. But hey, we get paid good money, can't argue with that.

Sango: I guess....(starts walking to printing room)

Inu: Do I even need to ask?

Sango: (sigh)

Inu: didn't think so.

Sango: where's Kagome?

Inu: she's in the printing room, which I'm assuming that's where you're going.

Sango: yep.

-In the office of...da fluff-

Fluffy: Why can't they do what I ask?! It's not that difficult! Press a button on your computer screen!

Miroku: (walks in) Hello sir! How are we today?

Fluffy: Fine. Until you walked in.

a/n: harsh

Miroku: (sweat drop) It seemed as though you were stressed, so I brought you some tea.

Fluffy: (I can smell that, human) ...

Miroku: yes, It's the kind you like.

Fluffy: (I would say thanks, but I could care less about you) Just leave it on the table.

Miroku: (starts walking towards coffee table)

a/n: WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN A BEAN BURRITTO FLEW INTO SESSHOMARU'S OFFICE AND KNOCKED THE TRAY OUT OF MIROKU'S HANDS AND ALL OF THE TEA ONTO SESSHOMARU'S HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miroku: AHHHH! I'M SO SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME LORD SESSHOMARU!!!!

Fluffy: I AM CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS!!!! What is this? I am not wearing my suit!!!

a/n: if you don't know who captain underpants is or what he wears, go do a google search you will be dying of laughter when you picture all this.

Miroku: O.O (oh........Kami......)

-Meanwhile-

Sango: (walking down hallway) (sigh) Finally, almost to the printing room.

(Hakudoushi pops out of nearby trashcan, foaming at the mouth and hissing)

Sango: AHHHH!!!!! Oh, it's just you. KAMI! DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!

Hakudoushi: (hiss)

Sango: go crawl back into the hole you came from! If your Naraku finds out that you're doing this AGAIN he'll have your head.

Hakudoushi: (hisses and sinks back down into garbage can)

Sango: (opens door to printing room and walks in) Hey Kagome.

Kagome: oh, hi Sango! Let me guess...

Sango&Kagome: Sesshomaru made you/me print the papers out again.

(both laugh)

(SESSHOMARU BURSTS INTO THE ROOM IN HIS UNDERWEAR SCREAMING 'IT'S GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!!!')

Kagome&Sango: O.O

Fluffy: (jumps out window and starts flying around the town)

Miroku: no! Not again!

Kagome: WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!

Miroku: I spilled some tea on his head when this flying burrito came by and knocked the tray I was holding out of my hands!

Sango: and you expect me to believe---

(burrito attacks Sango, growling and hissing menacingly)

Kagome: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Miroku: IT'S BACK FOR REVENGE!

(Kagome grabs Miroku's hand and jumps out of the window)

Miroku: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING KAGOME???!!!

Inu: (runs to the bottom of the building and catches Kagome, but lets Miroku fall)

Inu: serves you right, hentai

Kagome: He hasn't done anything in the past three years

Inu: It is something that cannot be forgiven

Kagome: ok then!

Miroku: (twitch)

Fluffy: PERISH EVIL COMIC BOOK STORE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Kagome&Inu pop up)

Kagome: Get a hold of yourself Sesshomaru!!!

Fluffy: I AM **CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS!**

Inu: This is public! Get a hold of yourself!

Miroku: Please! For the sake of all of us!

a/n: and for my eyesight.

Inu: you smell dead.

Miroku: that's because I am.

Inu: Nani?

Miroku: Just like Kikyo! Just don't get any water on me.

(Kikyo pops with hose and starts chasing Miroku)

Miroku: WAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sango: AHHHHH!!!! SAVE ME!!!!!!! (starts getting dragged underground my evil burrito)

Fluffy: (starts blowing up random buildings)

a/n: how, I really don't know.

Inu: (Takes hose from Kikyo and blasts Sesshomaru)

Fluffy: O.O

Miroku: that ought to do the trick

Fluffy: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O KAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NARAKU!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT AM I DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, someone submitted this idea to me, I'm sorry but I forget who it was. I deleted my entire inbox, so I can't give them proper credit. (starts crying) Anyway, I'm taking suggestions for part two! PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME! I don't care how random it is. In fact, the more random the better! WooT Thanx for reading this pointless stupidity! I'll be waiting for suggestions! Don't forget the burrito either. Heck, it may end up with an empire.


	6. The Catfud Song

Talking

(Actions)

_Thoughts _

Note: **This chapter MAJORLY bashes cats, if this will make you mad, do not read any further, I don't want flames.**Well, Mad-for-Manga, I was originally going to use the monkeys for another captain underpants chapter, but it seemed complete enough XD. I might go back and do more later. (hehe) So, I'm paying them just as much to be in this chapter. WooT. Anyways, I've been a little _off_ since 5th period on Tuesday...(hehe). There was this bones worksheet we had to do (Sometimes I feel like I'm in kindergarten!) and it was in this weird position that looked like it was running/dancing/chanting/summoning the spirits of the deceased. Just looking at the pathetic thing was enough to make me laugh. So...I took the artistic liberty of drawing Tetsusaiga in its hand XD. I had to MAJORLY restrain myself from bursting out laughing in the middle of class. I hope we don't have to turn that in...oops. And also, to moo-moo-miko: I haven't seen Harry Bladder, I mean Potter, and so I wouldn't really be able to do the movies justice. Thank you for the suggestion anyway though. This one has more to do with InuTaishio and Izayoi (whom the computer wanted to name 'Yazoo'). Well, I'm sure you're bored by now sooooo...here's some more pointless stupidity. No, I don't think this has anything to do with soda, but, none of you really seem to care. I have therefore entitled this chapter...The Catfud Song

(with much help from and thanx to PyroNekoYoukai and my dad)

-

InuTaishio: (singing) I'm in the kitchen...makin' chicken...dododododododo...

Fluffy: What do you think he's really doing, Inuyasha?

Inu: The usual.

InuTaishio: (turns to look at TV while frying something)

TV: Now available...The new Uncle Squishy's deep fried lard chips! (Quotes pop up. You know, those stupid ones they always use)

"They're mmmm...mmmm...great!"

"This is the wor...(hears loud banging) best thigh I've ever tasted!"

InuTaishio: _Thigh?_

TV: "Shut up and eat your peas!"

InuTaishio: (with one eyebrow raised) I'm gonna change the channel now...(throws remote at TV and changes to another show)

TV: It's

WHEEL

OF

PHISH!

InuTaishio: (goes back to cooking)

Izayoi: _don't tell me he's watching tv and making dinner at the same time AGAIN._

Fluffy: yep, the usual.

Izayoi: Honey, what are you cooking?

InuTaishio: Ca..I mean Chicken! Why?

Inu: Hey mom, have seen Scratchy?

Izayoi: no, not lately. Honey, have you seen the cat?

InuTaisho: Anu...(looks down into garbage can)

Fluffy: Watcha lookin' at there Dad?

InuTaisho: (glares)

Fluffy: Hey mom, there's a dismembered corpse in the trash can!

Izayoi: INUTAISHIO!

Inu: What happened to the cat?

Fluffy: he's gone to a better place.

Inu: really?

Fluffy: No.

InuTaisho: SESSHOMARU!

Fluffy: What?

Inu: You mean...

InuTaishio: He's too young; he doesn't need to know anything about DEATH!

Inu: DAD! YOU KILED SCRATCHY!

InuTaishio: (face turns red)

a/n: this isn't exactly a blush, it kinda well...you know what I mean!

Izayoi: YOU KILLED THE CAT! AGAIN!

Fluffy: Ya know, Mr. Skin tasted pretty good.

Inu: SESSHOMARU!

Fluffy: what? That thing was pretty mangy to begin with. Come on, it never even had any hair!

InuTaishio: Sorry...I'm addicted to cats. They taste so GOOD!

Izayoi: Stop being so morbid!

Inu: WAAAA!

Fluffy: time to punish him!

InuTaishio: (wimpers)

Inzayoi: don't worry, my parents are coming in three days, I'll let you out by then.

InuTaishio: NO! DON'T DO IT!

Fluffy: oh, yes.

-30 minutes later-

(InuTaishio has been thrown into a closet)

Izayoi: AND YOU CAN LIVE ON CAT FOOD FOR THE NEXT THREE DAYS!

Fluffy: You should have known better than to mess with her, dad. _It's a real mess when she gets mad._

InuTaishio: No! Lemme outta here! (starts banging on door)

Izayoi: Nope. Not gonna fall for it this time.

_-Day One-_

(InuTaishio sitting corner opposite of bag of cat food)

InuTaishio: (glares at bag of food) humph. Stupid women. Who needs 'em? I can make it on my own! I have...this! (pulls out monopoly) - Great, I have board games as company for the next three days. Who knows what else is living in here. Come to think of it, Sesshomaru was the last one to clean this out. oo I remember the last time he 'cleaned' something. When I opened the cabinet this..._thing_...jumped out. It chased Inuyasha around the outside of the house for a few hours.

(low growling noises)

InuTaishio: Crap. This can't be good.

(growling continues)

InuTaishio: This cat food smell is really strong. Maybe I'll play monopoly while I'm here. Oh Toasted!

(monkey comes out of nowhere and appears next to InuTaishio with lantern)

Toasted: chibichibichibichibichibichibichibi!

InuTaishio: be quiet! You don't want anyone to hear, do you?

Toasted: (sets up monopoly board)

InuTaishio: It's LOTR version!

a/n: LOTR is my abbreviation for Lord of the Rings

Toasted: (grabs and eats Frodo figure)

InuTaishio: I never liked him much anyway.

Toasted: (picks up Gandalf figure and places it on start)

InuTaishio: (Picks up Gollum figure) (starts dancing)

The cold hard lands  
they bites our hands,  
they gnaws our feet.  
The rocks and stones  
are like old bones  
all bare of meat.  
But stream and pool  
is wet and cool:  
so nice for feet!  
And now we wish -

Alive without breath;  
as cold as death;  
never thirsting, ever drinking  
clad in mail, never clinking.  
Drowns on dry land,  
thinks an island  
is a mountain;  
thinks a fountain  
is a puff of air.  
So sleek, so fair!  
What a joy to meet!  
We only wish  
to catch a fish,  
so juicy-sweet!

So juicy sweeeeeeet!

Toasted: (cocks head) _right_

-Three hours later-

InuTaishio: I can't believe I lost to a monkey.

Toasted: (does freaky chanting and runs off into the depths of the closet with 10,000 yen)

a/n: That's 90 dollars. I saw the value in my shonen jump and figured why not? It was either that or 18 cents.

InuTaishio: It's a good thing that monkey doesn't start his own business, he'd be more successful than that guy on that TV show...gah, what was it?

_-Day 2-_

InuTaishio: sooooo...hungry...need...food...(sees cat food) nooo...mustn't...give...in...to...temptation...

(stomach growls)

InuTaishio: but it looks so good

No, must uphold pride

I'm in a closet, who's going to notice?

What's Sesshomaru going to say?

The child doesn't even know what it's like to be hungry, he doesn't eat!

That means nothing to him, you and I both know that.

Yeah, but I'm so hungry...

(sigh) how could you sink this low.

Easy, my wife locked me in a closet.

(slaps forehead)

-20 minutes later-

(is eating out of bag of cat food)

InuTaishio: Wow, this stuff isn't so bad!

Sesshomaru: (standing outside of closet) _So, he finally broke down. (hehe) This is great blackmail._

Izayoi: He should come out now, he probably needs a bath...

Inu: No doubt about that.

Fluffy: I can take care of that. Inuyasha, you open the closet.

Inu: ok. (opens closet doors) You can come out now dad.

Fluffy: Ha! (throws bucket of ice water)

InuTaishio: COLD! (jumps around) coldcoldcoldcoldcoldcold!

Izayoi: Sesshomaru, was that really necessary?

Fluffy: probably not.

InuTaishio: (falls over anime style)

_-__The next Day-_

(doorbell rings)

Inu: I'll get it!

-

I originally intended to post the whole thing, but this was pretty long in itself. I'm sorry for taking so long to post this one, I've just been lazy. Anyway, I have another story under construction, that's had little parts getting done at a time since Thanksgiving, so hopefully I'll get that posted up eventually also. WooT! Can't wait to get the next chapter done.


	7. Parents

**It's me! Yet again...anyways here's more! And I forgot to put the disclaimer on the last chapter. So, for your information, I don't own anything in that or this chapter. I had no idea what to write for this chapter, so, again, very much thanks to Pyronekoyoukai!**

Izayoi: no! Don't open the door!

Inu: (opens door) Konnichiwa!

Parents: O.O

Inu: (cocks head) Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!

InuTaishio: what!

Inu: There's people at the door.

InuTaishio: What else is the door used for!

Inu: You tried to make a giant doggie door once, remember that?

InuTaishio: Thanks for bringing that up.

Inu: You're not getting the point here, ya know.

InuTaishio: Just who is at the door anyway?

Inu: you expect me to know something like that?

InuTaishio: You opened it didn't you?

(Sesshomaru runs through the kitchen with Tensaiga waving it around his head frantically chasing an albino squirrel)

Parents: O.O

(InuTaishio walks up)

InuTaishio: Oh, I was expecting you! Why don't I give you the grand tour!

Dad: At least on person in this house seems sane.

(all three walk upstairs)

InuTaishio: This is Sesshomaru's room.

(Sesshomaru has the albino squirrel strapped to a table with a giant blade swinging back and forth above its head, with knives, guns, swords, daggers, bows, arrows, and other various items displayed on the walls, and a cauldron.)

Fluffy: (flips light switch)

(the entire room rotates and a normal room appears in its place)

Fluffy: You saw nothing.

Mom: umm...let's move on.

InuTaishio: (walks to next room) and this is Inuyasha's room.

(Inuyasha pops out of a gigantic pile of dirty clothes)

Inu: (lifts snorkel mask) Mom! I can't find my pants! Where are they!

Izayoi: The pile sixth from the left!

Inu: (puts snorkel mask back down and dives into pile halfway across the room)

Mom: Do you ever make the child clean his room?

InuTaishio: Only when we see something crawling across the floor.

(hand comes out from under bed)

InuTaishio: (kicks) Now, shall we go downstairs?

Dad: god, yes.

(all three start walking down the steps)

InuTaishio: now, this is where to hot tub is, notice on the ceiling (points up)

Just then, someone's head pops up from inside the tub and stares at all three with red eyes!

InuTaishio: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE AGAIN! (picks up gun)

Dad: is that really necessary?

InuTaishio: oh, you haven't met Naraku.

Mom: ummmm...

InuTaishio: (hehe) Code Orange!

Inu: Code orange!

Fluffy: Code orange (sigh).

Izayoi: code orange...(sigh)

Both: reporting for duty!

InuTaishio: The hunt is on!

Parents: (thinking) wtf...

Izayoi: (thining) not again...

So all three have guns and are chasing Naraku around outside their yard while InuTaishio and Inuyasha are laughing manically.

InuTaishio: (shoots) Right on target! I won!

Izayoi: (takes out newspaper) WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING! IT IS NOT NESSACARY TO CHASE THEM INTO THEIR OWN YARDS WITH A GUN!

Fluffy: (he was facing the opposite way at the time) She's got a newspaper, doesn't she?

InuTaishio: yep.

Inu: RUN.

**Sorry if this one ended abruptly, the next two chapters will be much better! PORMISE! Review anyways!**


	8. The Christmas Incident

**Sorry for the updating delay you guys, I got tired of my other idea, and you know how that goes. But anyways, I've had this one written down for awhile, and I think it's much funnier than the previous. I'm always open to ideas for new chapters, don't forget! Yes, I find great amusement in sending the Inu brothers into Victoria's Secret! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter, entitled: The Christmas Incident.**

Inu: Please please please!

Fluffy: c'mon! Say it louder!

Inu: PLEASE!

Fluffy: remind me again why you're here.

Inu: I need help picking out a Christmas present for Kagome!

Fluffy: and I would be of use to you how?

Inu: I don't know what girls like!

Fluffy: And I do!

Inu: duh, you are a girl.

Fluffy: Listen to mw, what screwed up girl has a voice like this!

Inu: You, apparently.

Fluffy: this is your idea of asking for help?

Inu: C'mon! I nee you to help me pick something out!

Fluffy: What's in it for me?

Inu: I'll let you get anything you want from the mall, ANYTHING!

Fluffy: (sigh)

Later-

Inu: how is this going to get us anywhere?

Fluffy: shut up! This takes concentration!

Inu: What? You're re-arranging colored strings in Kagome's noise maker, how much concentration does that take?

Fluffy: First of all it's a car; second, these are wires, third, shut up!

Inu: ok then Mr. Know-it-all, what's this? (points to wire)

Fluffy: don't touch that, it'll mess up the ignition.

a/n: I know nothing about cars...

Inu: and how do you know all this?

Fluffy: I stole and read your wench's book on mechanics; very informative.

Inu: and what, may I ask, are you doing?

Fluffy: (sigh) I'm hot-wiring the car.

Inu: wha...?

Fluffy: We can start it up without the keys.

(car starts up)

Fluffy: perfect. Now, get in.

Later, at the mall-

Fluffy: where to?

Inu: ummm...

Fluffy: how about in there? (points to pink store)

a/n: you know it!

Inu: I dunno...I don't think guys are supposed to go in there. Something in my instincts warns me against it. I'm gonna stay out here. I'm sure you'll be fine.

Fluffy: have you made a habit out of questioning my gender?

Inu: It's not like I can tell.

Fluffy: you're going in that store with me, whether you like it or not.

Inu: make me. (sits on ground defiantly)

Fluffy: so you wanna do this the hard way, do ya? (grabs inu's kimono sleeves and starts dragging him toward the store entrance)

Inu: no! don't do it!

Fluffy: Why are you so reluctant to go in anyways? It seems like this place would suit you quite well.

Inu: (dragging claws against floor)

Fluffy: Be a man. More importantly, be a more respectable human being. I thought you were _'brave'_

a/n: notice the emphasis

Inu: I take it back lemme outta here! Lemme run around screaming like a little girl! I want my mommy!

Fluffy: too bad. Your mother's dead!

Inu: that's not nice Sesshomaru, that's...that's really true.

Fluffy: Suck it up. What are you a man or a cat!

Inu: but I'm an Inu Hanyou.

Fluffy: chose!

Inu: uhhh...man...?

Fluffy: well, you really suck!

Inu: okay, cat then.

Fluffy: HAHA! You still suck! You piss in a box! Now, come, cat, into the store!

Inu: AND WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DO THEN!

Fluffy: let's just call it 'expanding the territory'

Inu: so THAT'S what happened when Kagome slipped on the god tree the other day!

Fluffy: (glares)

Inu: (hehe)

Fluffy: (starts dragging into store again)

Inu: nonononononononononono!

Fluffy: You drug my 500 years into the future! I'm not leaving without something from this store!

Inu: no!

Fluffy: (walks up to counter) Yes, my friend here needs help picking out a present for his wen---uhhhh, girlfriend.

Inu: friend? What are you talking about?

Fluffy: would you rather 'I brought my scared little brother into a women's clothing store because he was too scared to go alone'?

Inu: It's probably better than being dragged around the mall be some gay weirdo.

Fluffy: (kicks)

Attendant: (talking to inu: who has gotten up off the ground) What's her size?

Inu: I dunno. (looks at Sesshomaru)

Fluffy: she's your wench!

Inu: no she's not!

Fluffy: well, there goes one theory. (takes out sheet of paper and crosses something off)

Inu: what's that?

Fluffy: my list of theories about you.

Inu: read me one of those!

Fluffy: theory number 667: at exactly 1:26 every morning Inuyasha goes downstairs and eats all of the wench's French toast; then dances with a rubber chicken to 'Man, I feel like a woman'.

Inu: I only did that once!

Attendant: We could try and find the right size by eyeing it. How does this one look?

Inu: wadda you think, fluff boy?

Fluffy: What! You think I'm some kinda pervert! I don't stare at 'em! (wait, did he just call me fluff boy?)

Inu: I agree, too small.

Fluffy: (godd...)

Attendant: do you like this one?

Inu: hmmmm...still looks a little small.

Attendant: what about this one?

Inu: perfect!

Fluffy: THAT ONE!

Attendant: now, which color!

a/n: it's a field day.

Inu: I like the pink one!

Fluffy: (slaps forehead) I am not related to that...

Inu: or maybe the red one! ooooo, this one's soft!

Attendant: do you want any of these? We're having a sale.

Inu: what is it?

Fluffy: (picks up and shoots at fat guy who's walking by) (wow, that works almost as well as the condoms...)

Attendant: miss, would you like to try some on?

Fluffy: how many times must I tell you people? I AM A MAN.

Attendant&inu: denial.

Fluffy: you know what, we're checking out.

(walk to cash register)

cashier: that'll be...$100.03

Fluffy: oh, the life I live. Do you accept severed human heads? (starts looking in kimono sleeves)

Cashier: just take it and go.

Fluffy: it works every time. Now, what do I want...?

Inu: joy.

As they are walking, Inuyasha gets behind Sesshomaru and starts whispering 'man, I feel like a woman'

Fluffy: (slaps)

Inu:ooowwww...

Fluffy: how about that? (points to something in pet store)

Inu: what's it say?

Fluffy: that doesn't matter, just buy it.

Inu: (sigh) (walks up to cash register) do you accept severed human heads? (starts looking in kimono sleeves)

Cashier: take it an LEAVE!

In the parking lot-

Inu:(while walking towards car) that severed head thing works pretty well.

Fluffy: or course it works, I came up with it. Now, since the wench's car is already taken care of, it won't take as long to start up as last time.

Inu: good. Question, what was it you had me buy?

Fluffy: oh, nothing...(starts up car)

Later that night-

Inu: here Kagome, Merry Christmas.

Kagome: Thank you! But, how did you know my size?

Inu: I eyed it.

a/n: mistake.

Kagome: O.o GAH! PERV! (starts chasing around outside of Kaede's hut)

Miroku: My dearest lady Sango, I have also purchased you a gift.

Sango: I wonder what it is! (shakes tiny box)

Miroku: I hopw you like it, I took special care in picking it out!

Sango: (opens)...houshi-sama, may I have a word with you?

Miroku: (oh god! It's the 'houshi-sama' voice!)

a/n: our favorite perverted monk has bought Sango something that starts with the third letter of the alphabet. Apparently he thinks it will come in handy sometime soon.

Fluffy: I'll leave this here.

He leaves a card that reads as follows: halfbreed. Enjoy, it's your own piss-box.

(tell me specifically in your review if you want to see the doodle he put at the bottom, and I will gladly send it to you! Remember to put your email address though.)

Fluffy: (hehe)

half an hour later-

Inu: I'm so sorry Kagome!

Kagome: you should be! Huh, what's this?

Inu: (picks up card) what's it say!

Kagome: gimme that. (Snatches out of hand)

Inu: (starts playing with contents of box) I know what this is! It's sand! The kind at the ocean! Look Kagome, I made a sand castle!

a/n: it's kitty litter, you guys

Kagome: I don't think its sand.

Inu: what is it then? _Futuristic _sand?

Kagome: it's Sesshomaru's idea of a Christmas present. (a twisted one at that)

Kirara: (finishes burying something)

Inu: eh? Look Kagome! The castle has a moat!

**I'm so sorry for not updating! I feel really bad about it! So I'm going to write another chapter today! It's called: Newscaster SOS. Remember to review!**


	9. Newscaster SOS

**You came back! Arigato, kamisama! Anyways...for this one I had to hail to a higher power than JUST soda. Yup, that's right. Coffee. I give thanks to my brother for this one, seeing as he helped with ideas and whatnot. Here is the long awaited (not really, but we have to sound official):**

**Newscaster SOS**

Director: We're on in 5...

Kagome: I'm so nervous!

Sess: Don't be, there's nothing to this job. We get paid for talking all day about the most boring subjects, don't sweat it.

Kagome: Easy for you to say, all you have to do is report the weather!

Sess: it's harder than it looks!

Kagome: the camera's going to be on me more than half the time! (...)

Inu: ANYBODY SEEN MY JACKET!

Sess: (whistles)

Inu: WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT!

Sess: I DIDN'T TOUCH YOUR BELOVED _JACKET_!

Inu: I smell it! You have it!

(Kouga walks in studio with jacket on)

Kouga: so comfortable!

Inu: (tackles) GIMME MY JACKET!

Director: 30 seconds!

Kouga: fine fine fine. (throws jacket across room)

Kagome: waaaaaa! I'm so nervous!

Sess: everybody to their stations!

Director:

5

4

3

2

1

(camera turns on)

Inuyasha: (jumps into desk)

Kagome: Konnichiwa! Welcome to Odorokubeki Chi-zu Gojuuni!

a/n: Brownie points to whoever can figure this out before the end of this chapter!

Kagome: This is your host Kagome Higurashi. Today's top story is

Mitchell Frakson: potato or potato (potahto). But first, let's take a look at today's forecast.

(screen switches to weather)

Sess: Today we will have BLAZING hot temperatures! So hot, in fact, that there will be lave spilling from the very CORE OF THE EARTH!

Shippo: (whispers in ear) That's not on the radar.

Sess: (lifts up hand and melts part of the screen) I'm afraid that we're all DOOMED! (starts laughing like twitch from 'holes')

Kagome: (offscreen) (slaps forehead)

Sess: but, on the bright side, NC State beat Duke!

Inu: (starts cheering)

a/n: you gotta live in Carolina to get this one.

Sess: now, over to Inuyasha with the stock market!

(screen switches)

Inu: (banging on television) (turns on) (switches channel to cartoons) (starts singing)

F is for fire that burns down the whole town

U is for uranium...bomb!

N is for NO SURVIVORS!

Oh, wait, is it my turn! Sorry for the delay folks! Now, today's stocks! Win-Dixie has a new shipment of all American steak, but Piggly Wiggly is close behind!

(camera switches to Kouga)

Kouga: Now, Sports. In this weekend's football ga—

Inu: HEY! I'M NOT DONE YET! DON'T SWITCH THE CAMERA TO THAT CRAZY WOLF!

Kouga: you're done now!

Inu: I didn't even get a chance to report it all!

Kouga: you were talking about STEAKS! OF COURSE THEY WON'T LET YOU FINISH!

(hand puppet pops up)

Puppet: Oh, no need to fight. Why don't we all just take turns and be kind to one another?

Kouga: what the hell is that thing!

Puppet: come now, let's all make out! I mean up!

Sess: (pulls out boom box from under counter) (turns on)

(music) Why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends?

Inu: (tackles Kouga)

(Jakotsu stands up with puppet still on hand)

Kagome: WHAT'S HE DOING HERE!

Sess: (singing) Why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends?

(rest of Shichinintai pops up and starts dancing)

a/n: correct me if that's not the name of their little 'group'

Kikyo: (runs across screen) THIS IS PURE CHAOS! GET THE DIRECTOR!

(radio changes songs)

(Naraku pops up)

Naraku, Jakotsu, &Sesshomaru: (singing) The best thing about being a woman, is the prerogative to have a little fun and...  
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady  
Men's shirts-short skirts  
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style  
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction  
Color my hair-do what I dare  
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel  
Man! I feel like a woman!

Kouga: (runs across screen)

Inuyasha: I'll get you!

Shichinintai (excluding Jakotsu): (singingbackground)

(camera switches to kagome)

Kagome: Thank you for watching (ducks to avoid flying microphone) Odorokubeki

Chi-zu Gojuuni! This is (Kouga sails through air, barely missing her head) Kagome Higurashi, signing off!

(kagome steps off screen)

OSAWARI!

**Okay, before I go any further, the name of the station is: Wonderful/Amazing Cheese 54. That was the most fun I've had writing one of these chapters in a long time! I hope you guys had as much fun reading it as I did writing! Since I'm on spring break this week, I should be updating A LOT! Close to one every day probably! The title for the next chapter is going to be: Search for the Lost City of Atlantis! Likely this one will have multiple parts. **


	10. The Children's Book

**Sess: (bursts in through the door) AH HA! I HAVE FINALLY...and you're not here. Where did she go? No note, no nothing! What's this (picks up paper with incomprehensible scribbling on it) How am I supposed to be able to construct a story from these notes! They're below chicken scratch! Well, folks, it appears that our author is missing in action, so, I, Sesshomaru, will create for you a story! Ah yes, I can feel the amazing author powers flowing through my blood, HA! I CAN DO THIS! Let's see here, I could write a children's book! For all the uneducated Children out there who are reading this story! And here we go!**

_A Children's Book: By Sesshomaru_

Spot is dog. Spot is an unhappy dog. Spot is a merciless dog. Spot is the reincarnation of Cerberus, guardian of the underworld and companion of Hades. Spot is in the pound and up for adoption. All the other dogs cower in fear.

Sally is a girl (probably). Sally is an unhappy girl. Sally wants a dog. Sally picks Spot. She trains Spot relentlessly so he can eat children.

Scat is a cat. Scat is a mangy cat. Scat has nothing to do with this story.

Inuyasha is a jerk. Inuyasha is a smelly jerk. He rolled in mud for three hours yesterday. Then I threw him in the dryer. The mud hardened, so I sold him on ebay.

Kagome is a mini-skirt-wearing high school girl. Kagome is a high school girl. Kagome is a high school girl. Kagome is a high school girl. Kagome is a high school girl.

Inuyasha is not potty trained. Inuyasha needs diapers. The other day he got mad at Shippo.

Shippo is annoying. Shippo is potty trained. Kagome is a high school girl.

I like popcorn. Do you like popcorn. These waffles got soap in 'em.

Jakotsu is...ask you parent's.

Jaken is stuffed in a Tupperware container. I hope Rin puts him in the microwave. Jaken is worth $5. Jaken is coming up to a small store near the center of the city.

Kagome is a high school girl.

Sesshomaru is shekshay. Sesshomaru is worshiped by many fangirls. Sesshomaru is overlord over Wheaties. Sesshomaru likes being worshiped by fangirls.

Miroku wears a dress. Miroku should try on a kilt. I wonder if they have underwear in the Sengoku Jidai. Kagome is a high school girl.

Remember kids, pay your taxes, or else the SWAT team will show up on your doorstep.

_The End_

**Sess: That was so beautiful. It almost brings a tear to my eye.**

**Gir: NO IT WASN'T! (smiles)**

**Sess: SILENCE! (throws out window)**

**Sess: Well, I hope that this story has taught you a valuable lesson! Remember to check your waffles for soap.**

**HS: What are you doing!**

**Sess: huh?**

**HS: WHAT-ARE-YOU-DO-ING!**

**Sess: What's it look like! Writing a story for your poor readers who have gone without humor for months now! Where were you anyways!**

**HS: I was in ATLANTIS, meeting the Romans.**

**Sess: I was going to write a story about Atlantis, but your notes looked like they were written in a dead language.**

**HS: Just what have you written? looks over Hmm...this looks like an excuse to bash Inuyasha.**

**Sess: (sweatdrop)**

**HS: Well, folks, sorry for the delay in updating. Apparently Fluffy took matters into his own hands while I was away. I'll have something a little more coherent next time. And longer. Ya know, Sesshomaru, no one would buy your book. It's too short.  
**

You guys, I am having a lot of trouble with my chapter ideas, and I'm really not sure what to do next. I didn't like Chapter 11 very much, and I wasn't too fond of this one either. So, could you please help me? I'm begging you guys! PLEASE HELP!**  
**

**(remember to review)**


	11. The End of Inuyasha!

**Lately, everyone's been trying to figure out how the Inuyasha manga is going to end. They've got all these great theories and whatnot, but I'm here to tell you the one and only truth about it! Yes, that's right! You'll hear it here first! It's time for another exciting chapter of Inuyasha! (note: I do not, nor do I claim to own any of the Inuyasha characters or anything else ridiculous you could come up with to sue me for :D) **

Kagome: I'm so BORED, Inuyasha! Is it time for something important to happen yet?

Inu: Something interesting isn't due to happen for 32 ½ more episodes. Be creative.

(Sesshomaru pops up)

Sess: Haha! I am here to steal your sword once again! And this time, I will not fail! Why? Because I am Sesshomaru, and I am awesome! I am awesome because I am Sesshomaru, and I am Sesshomaru because I will have your sword, which will make me awesome, which will...

Inu: See Kagome? At least he's not sitting around complaining about Viz's filler episodes.

Sess: HELLO! I'm still monologing over here! You're supposed to listen to my evil plans!

Inu: Oh. Sorry.

(Kikyo pops up and spins around in circles, firing arrows every which way while screaming in a banshee-esque manner.)

Inu: Oh gawd I'm gonna get stuck to a tree again!

Kikyo: Mushroom mayhem in Mexico City!

Kagome: AHHHHH! (gets shot with an arrow)

Inu: KAGOME!

Sess: Buzz off Kikyo! I was here first! (insert fancy attack name that no one can pronounce)

Kagome: Goodbye...Inuyasha...

Inu: I blame you, Naraku! Even though you're not here, everything bad that happens is your fault, no matter whose fault it is!

Kikyo: (continues to shoot endless amount of arrows) Feliz Navidad!

(they where playing that song while I was writing this :D)

Sess: AHHH! DIE! (attack)

Inu: I will avenge Kagome's death!

Kagura: (randomly flies through the air) WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Inu: Kagura dropped this jewel shard! I shall infuse it into my forehead! (slaps hand against forehead)

Sess: Stop running in circles! And wipe that crazed manic look off your face!

Kikyo: KAW! KAW! KAW!

Sess: blah blah blah (attack)

Inu: (weird transforming noises) I feel the power!

Naraku: (pops up randomly) I shall infuse this pile of rocks with my body so that I can become all-powerful!

Inu: I will not let you take another innocent life! Rawr! (shoots lazar beams from eyes and mouth)

Naraku: It is too late! I have already absorbed this pile of rocks! (starts shooting rocks out of hand)

Kagura: (randomly flies through the air) KU KU KACHOO!

Sess: Haha! I shall interrupt this heated battle because...it's time for a filler episode!

(later)

Naraku: I have been defeated...(euuuuu...)

(That's my awesome dying sound effect)

Inu: That's right! I'm awesome! I therefore declare myself more awesomer that you, Sesshomaru!

Sess: Never! We shall settle the matter over a game of...Extreme Potato Sack Racing!

Inu: What makes it so extreme?

Sess: We will be competeing against KANGAROOS!

(both get in sacks and proceed to starting line)

Sess: GO!

(10 minutes later)

Inu: How could I lose against a blue kangaroo!

Sess: I therefore declare myself the winner! Tetsusaiga is mine!

Inu: That wasn't in the agreement!

Kagome: Hi Inuyasha!

Inu: Kagome, I thought you were dead!

Kagome: I still am! I have been reincarnated as Shirley Temple!

Inu: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sess: I shall take this opportunity to steal the legendary sword! MUAHAHA!

In short, Sesshomaru steals the Tetsusaiga, and starts blowing up stuff. Because of this, rats are given super powers by exposure to the toxic waves. Using their powers, they fly to Europe and cause the black plague. Since Sesshomaru was then blamed for this, he went into hiding and lived off pigeons and dancing corncobs in India. The rats also took shelter, fleeing Europe and coming to live in the sewers of the US. As they breed with normal rats their ability to fly was forgotten. The descendents of these super-rats live amongst us, and envy our ability to fly. They all meet together and ride ships to India and conspire with Sesshomaru on how to strike vengeance upon the human race. Inuyasha moved to Mongolia. Thus the series of Inuyasha comes to an end!

**I've been having much trouble updating lately, and I didn't like the last chapter I posted, so I took it down. I wrote this last night because I was having trouble sleeping (yes, they were playing Christmas music on the radio). I hope that I can get back into the swing of longer and more ridiculous chapters soon. I hope that many of you fell out of your chairs this time around! Until next time! Ja'ne!**


End file.
